Taking a Break and Unwinding

Although I anticipated 2024 to be THE year, it has been a rough year, perhaps one the roughest so far. While I reached some important personal and professional achievements, such as finishing my bachelor's degree and certain milestones career wise, I lost myself in a creative sense, producing barely any artwork and so far finishing only one, that I'm also not particularly proud of.

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I feel like I'm currently going through something I would refer to as a "creative-burnout" or "creative-identity crisis". And to philosophise on the possible reasons and my artistic goals for the next year, I would like to give some brief context.

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Although I'm theoretically working with 3D software since nearly a decade, it was never my main focus, until a few years ago. My actual main focus has always been traditional art, with me exploring 3D tools, such as eventually Blender, on the side, but never with a strict focus or goal in any shape or form, personally or professionally.

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The year before I started my Industrial Design studies, in 2019, I started to shift my focus primarily to 3D and Blender, mainly for creating the portfolio that was required for the application at the university.

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But I noticed that although I enjoyed creating 3D art and the process itself, I barely got any fulfilment out of the models I created. 3D modelling products, which was what I was solely doing at the time, was not really generating any excitement when I looked at the finished model and renderings. It was nothing I was particularly proud of or which felt worth sharing.

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As I discovered video games during the same time, through a quite random and spontaneous purchase of a console, my fascination and curiosity for what it takes to create these games and their beautiful worlds and stories, lead me to discover digital sculpting.

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While I was aware of 3D character and creature art before that, I never even dared trying it myself. I would look at images of 3D characters or ZBrush timelapses and think to myself, never would I be able to reproduce that.

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Eventually curiosity overcame my doubts, and I discovered my passion for 3D sculpting. Determined to become better and with a list of characters and creatures I wanted to create, I started to shift my focus strictly to sculpting. And from day one on, this became my passion and source of creative fulfilment.

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Creating characters and creatures, no matter if existing or fictional ones, is incredibly exciting, no matter how often I do it.  

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Sadly, with my full-time studies and working part-time on the side and a lot of other things going on, it became hard to be able to focus on my personal artwork and really diving deep into the matter. Even after finishing my studies and going full-time, there were always other things taking the time I would have loved to focus on my personal artwork.

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And with breaks in between sculpting sessions of weeks, I feel like I simply lost sight. For reference, I only created about two to three sculpts a year, with a few unfinished work in progress pieces in between. Combined with my extremely harsh, inner critic, I decided it's best to take a break first and start again by going back to the roots.

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So for the rest of 2024, actually since July (except the one sculpture I did in between), I decided to take a break and start thinking about creative achievements I want to reach and milestones I want to work towards to.

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So what is my plan for the upcoming year?

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Something I never really focused on due to my excitement for simply creating, were the basics. I never studied art theory such as anatomy or color theory, and over time I collected various courses that I never even began taking.

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I feel like that at the point I'm currently at, where I actually can sculpt characters comfortably and am not that restricted anymore by a lack of skill or proficiency in software, it would be a huge boost in the quality of my work, if I started focusing on such theory.

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Daring is another topic - not holding myself back anymore. Of course, self criticism isn't a bad thing and can actually help in improving ones skill, but as with everything, too much of it can be harmful to ones growth.

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And I finally want to really create a portfolio I'm happy with. There are so many projects I would love to work on. For example, only recently I discovered the amazing comics of Vicente Segrelles (El Mercenario), and would love to do a series of 3D sculpts and sceneries, if time allows perhaps even a scene in Unreal Engine, of the worlds Segrelles created.

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There are many other things I could list here too, such as getting into 3D printing and back to traditional mediums such as clay sculpting, wood carving, etc., but the point is, I want to finally break free of all these doubts and restrictions I created.

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And due to recent events such as a move back to my hometown, a new flat and some changes regarding my professional career, I feel like it's the perfect time to start again. Building a new art-setup in my new apartment feels like a great way to restart things.

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Besides these things, I also plan to finally continue filling my Digital Garden and 3D Anatomy Visualiser, two resources I plan to use to document and share my learnings. So if you yourself are looking into getting started with or learning more about the theory on 3D art and art theory, feel free to visit those resources!

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Finally, I also want to spend more time on publishing blog posts and articles. Although I don't think of myself as being a good writer, I throughly enjoy writing, be it random thoughts or reviews on products and services I use.

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To be honest, I don't know if there actually is something that can be taken from this burst of written thoughts. But if you ever happen to find yourself in a similar situation: take a step back, and look at the picture painted so far. Write down your thoughts and ask yourself, where do you want to be and what needs to change. Set yourself goals and if necessary, revisit the basics. But don't hold yourself back, because the only thing this leads to, is regret.